Well I am taking one single college class, tonight was the first night.  I drove 40 miles to get there after work.  I suppose I look at it as I am so close to finishing that I have to go.  I still have my shitty job.  I have inflammation in the knee from it and it hurts like a son of a bitch.  I had a bunch of cool things to say on here that I thought about today but then I forgot them of course.  Yesterday I threw up my breakfast at work.  That was fun.  I think it may have been the pain killers/ anti inflamatory the doctor perscribed but not sure.  Luckily I only had two pieces of toast.  There was a cute guy in class tonight, he distracted me quite a bit.  The last time I remember being happy I had a boyfriend.  I know I have been happy without a boyfriend, but I guess the last time I remember I had one.  It makes me cry when I think about it.  It's been so long.  There is a married guy with a kid at work that is cute too.  He's only 21, and he's kind of  how should I say... hickish, lol.  But he's cute, and a really nice guy.  Too bad he's straight and too bad I am antisocial.  It was weird being in a classroom again.  I hate crowds like that.  I guess I would never want to go to a party again.  My knee hurts so much I have to sit down to put pants on or take them off.  It sucks.  I have a big scab on one of my fingers too.  It's like you can wake up one day and have lost everything.  Your job, your health, and suddenly you weigh 50 lbs more and you're broke.  I guess I am trying to get it all back but it seems so hopeless.  Sometimes when I am loading wood in some shitheads pickup I just want to cry.  No more creating and faxing 25k purchase orders for me.  I  just load truck all day, even if its raining.  It's just load truck, load truck, load truck.  I guess on a brighter note my blood pressure is no longer 194/98 like it has been in the past.  It's now in the normal range.  Still the depression is still there.  I guess I will never beat that.  Maybe some hot guy will come along and distract me from it, but really I don't think I want one to.  It's 11:30 PM and I have to wake up at 6:30 AM to get to work at 7:30 to load truck, because that is what I do.  Then afterwards I will come home and stay off my feet because they will be hurting too much.  There really seems to be no future in my life, and my entire payckeck goes towards bills from the past.  I have no more money to give my civil attorney so I guess I will have to drop the lawsuit which is probably fine since dipshit won't win anyways.  I fail to see the point of getting up in the morning, but yet I do it anyways.  It's not like anything I do tomorrow will better myself and nothing I do tomorrow will be enjoyable.  I still have no hobbies, and no friends that are geographically close... or just close in any way for that matter.  I don't get what the fucking point of it all is.  What... I suppose someday I can retire from the shitty job and do what... sit on the couch shitting myself talking to the fucking wall because I think its a person like my grandmother does.  That would be just fucking fantastic, I can spend the day struggling with the TV remote because it's operation will elude my totally fucked brain.  If that's all I have to look forward too then I hope I just get struck my lightening tomorrow while I load some shitheads truck with wood.